The Longest Personals Ad You've Ever Read
This is a very specialized personal ad for a very specific kind of person. Its kind of lengthy, so if you’re not serious about the possibilities of a close personal relationship with the potential for long-term commitment, you may want to save yourself the time.
If you’ve read this far, you should know that I have always been attracted to dynamic women with expansive personalities and high self-regard. I like women who are boisterous, bold, competent and confident. Unfortunately, in my experience, these qualities also seem to accompany an element of volatility. Of course, we all have our moments, and blowing off steam can be healthy. At such moments, we depend on those closest to us to be compassionate and patient; to bear the brunt, weather the storm; and within reasonable boundaries continue to maintain the love. The knowledge and confidence that our companion will do the same for us when our venting occurs makes this easier to do.
But for that to work, individuals in a healthy relationship must both be committed to the values and process of reason. Conflicting messages, insulting or degrading language, insinuation and attribution of hidden motivation are counterproductive, out of bounds, and always seem to mark the beginning of the end.
Understanding that, the person I’d like to meet and explore relationship potential should:
1. Be kind, and able to accept kindness.
2. Be visibly and openly committed to a monogamous heterosexual relationship (I have more than once been amazed to learn that same-sex sex is not really cheating. Wow, huh?).
3. Be able to develop a shared consensus of what the relationship is, revise and update the consensus as the relationship develops, and be consistently unambiguous in all settings and contexts regarding the mutually derived consensus, whatever it is.
4. Value action over words, and know the difference. Words are good. The more we talk, write and think, the better, but there comes a time when we are ed to back up our words with deeds – deeds which are consistent with our words.
5. Be present (physiy, mentally, spiritually, and temporally).
6. Be respectful of the other person, both in public and in private.
7. Not confuse healthy “boundaries” with unhealthy “barriers”. There are enough barriers between people already without artificially creating new ones.
8. Be transparently trustworthy (know the difference between “privacy” and “secrecy”). I’ve been burned way too many times by that one.
9. Not apply any sort of religious or metaphysical orthodoxy to the other person (such judgements are arbitrary and unproductive).
friendly – but not owned by it. I really don’t smoke myself. I wish I enjoyed it as much as I did when I was a kid, but I still like the idea of it and wouldn’t have much in common with someone who has a moral objection. Even so, balance is everything, and life’s too short to spend it constantly baked. So please; every-day, all-day stoners need not apply.
5. Must drink. Preferably responsibly, but that's not a requirement. I usually have a bourbon or a glass of wine in the evening, and maybe put it on big once every week or two. Teetotalers seem pretty rigid in other aspects of their lives, not just about drinking, and don’t seem much fun to me.
6. Must not fear camping. I LOVE girly-girls and all that goes with that, but if you can’t bring yourself to rough it for a few days in the great outdoors we probably wouldn’t be very similar in other areas either.
7. Must be politiy “progressive”, and registered to vote. Although subscribing to any pre-established orthodoxy, political or otherwise, is anti-intellectual, I’m sorry... but conservatives and Republicans just plain give me the creeps.
9. Must have a healthy sense of humor. A witty, clever sense of humor is the first, best indicator of intelligence. Life’s too short to be uptight. Let’s have some fun.
10. Must have a healthy appreciation for intimacy. Sex is important. It seals the bond between people who are romantiy involved. Even a little freaky creativity and experimentation can be fun, if its not cheap, degrading or ugly (I’ve seen that happen too).
Wow, well, that’s a lot. Far more than I thought I'd write, and probably much more than anybody ever wanted to know. But if you’ve read this far (congratulations on that by the way), you’re probably bright and interesting enough to be appreciated by me. I invite you to write me if you’d like to discuss it further. Maybe you’d like to send me your lists, if you have them. If you do decide to write, please include the word “reason” in the subject line, to weed out spambots.
Thank you for reading my ad. Best wishes and best of all things to you.
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