When marriage becomes cohabitation m4w
Maybe this belongs more in the rants section but if after reading it you find some similarities or wish to discuss it with me, offer advice or something, then feel free to reach out by replying to this post.
How does a marriage get to the point of cohabitation? I dont just mean roommates; we live in different parts of the house, we have our own rooms. I have a feeling its more common than people let on because how do you tell your supposed friends that your marriage is so bad you barely interact anymore. Its not something you can easily discuss with people that you know, therefore you have to internalize it. But then it begins to eat away at you, little things get bigger and annoy you more. I know there are big things that got us to this point and it took years for us to get here but here we are. I was reading something the other day about predictors of divorce and a few things jumped out at me. First being that once the fighting stops, thats a bad sign. Second, that its resentment that kills most marriages.
Now I know I have plenty to be blamed for, I screwed up and did things to push her away and put walls between us. I didnt have an affair or anything but I was mostly just an asshole. But she did some things to build those walls as well. We attempted a brief period of counseling, which in some aspects made things even worse and has really put some distance between us. Now some people will just say to leave and get a divorce. Overall that will probably happen at some point and I even believe in being fair and not petty about splitting up marital assets, yet when the wife doesnt work then a 50% splitting up of stuff isnt the same as when both spouses work. But thats the position I am in, so until the finances make sense I guess I am stuck in a cohabiting relationship with the wife even if we dont interact most of the time.
Have you gotten to the same point in your marriage? The wife is starting to do things that interest her to occupy her time. Its good that she is doing those things but I don;t have any interest in doing those same things. Does that make me a bad person? She occasionally implies that it does but why should I help her do things that I am not interested in doing? I dont agree with all the things she is getting involved in and that pushes us farther apart. SO as she goes out to do those things I feel trapped. Trapped in the house, trapped in my marriage, trapped in my life and it makes me resentful, it makes me upset and it some aspects it makes me frustrated and depressed.
In some ways I miss having someone to touch, to hold hands with, to do things with. But we no longer enjoy doing things together so I dont see those things happening with her. I left out the messy details of all the things that have gone wrong, the things Ive done wrong but theyve been enough that I dont see us getting over those hurdles.
Why am I posting this? To mostly just get it out there into the anonymity of CL. To see if it strikes a cord and if it does and you want to talk about it let me know. I am also posting it because the resentment and frustration is attempting to take over my waking thoughts and maybe this will help me push it down, let it go. Maybe it will help.
Thanks for reading and good luck with yours
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