my therapist should not and has not told me what she feels is my orientation, even though I wish she would! I purposely sought a counseling center that focused on issues because I had an enormous crush on a woman and felt that I was. Over time the thought of being just makes sense even beyond sexuality but today I just felt like giving up and telling myself that God just didn't intend for me to have sex and that I'll just have to wait until I get back to my planet. My therapist is bisexual and is "- friendly". There is a coming out group at the center but so far has been a conflict of schedule. Considering that I'm feeling more depressed as time goes on because I feel so isolated and alone with all this, I think that it might be a good idea to get into that group just to check it out. I just feel so crazy sometimes that I don't even know what's really going on with me.
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I post mainly to vent because my friends are tired of hearing about it. I long to kiss you, hold your hand, look at the stars with you again... Last night I looked at the stars and wished you were by my side. When we hugged you melted into me. A hour apart felt like a year...a day an eternity...and now a year? My own private hell. Last I heard you said you were sorry because you were in a relationship. So soon after we broke apart? How could have this been after the things you showed me and told me, about how if you could be with anyone it would be me? Its been over a year and I still dont want anyone else.
I promised never to bother you so I post here to vent, to try to get it out of my system in writing. I could contact you, but to hear that you're with someone else again would be too much to bear. I hold on to the key fobs you gave me (do you remember which 2 they are? one has a magnet that matched the other half of what you had on your key chain) and hope that one day that the other half of mine will be reattached to yours, and that you and I would be togther again. I try to suppress it but I am truly a broken hearted romantic. I lost my love. My one and only. You are enough. I hope one day you'll make the first move and contact me via email so I dont have to break my promise to you. I wanted to be everything you needed me to be. I sometimes wonder if I ever cross your mind.
11:11.
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