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thinking of you A song you played for me on one of our many late night drives came on shuffle. My first response was to wonder why I hadn't taken it off of my phone. Then as it played I was reminded of, and even got to feel briefly again, the happiness I once felt with you. A happiness that some how touched my and chest with a low rumble of warmth. A happiness that despite whatever else was happening around or between us assured me everything would be ok. I haven't felt that way since you. You had a strange effect on me. There was a time that just hearing your voice so many miles away could bring me home again and make me feel safe. I wonder what it would be like to speak to you again, if only for a minute. Would your voice still evoke that same comforting feeling it filled me with all those years ago? Or could I even recognize the sound of it now? I saw you once several years ago but we didn't speak. I felt you before I saw you. You and her walked in to the same store I was in. What felt like an electric shock surged through my whole body and when I looked up I saw you pass. Later while I was In line I saw you look at me and all I could do was nod in acknowledgment. I wonder if you would have talked to me that day if she hadn't been there. Did you want to speak to me? Would I have answered? Our romance didn't fit the typical fairytale everyone hopes for. It was filled with , selfishness, love triangles, and so much more. I don't mean to say the fault should lie only with you. I made many mistakes that cost me and the ones who cared for me greatly. I turned into someone terrible with you. I cared only about you and the things I wanted. I told myself it was ok because we were in love. I fooled myself into believing the people I hurt to be with you didn't matter compared to our love. It took many years for me to finally admit that while I loved you more deeply than anyone before you, and so far anyone after, we were never meant to be. You never loved me. I think maybe you wanted to. I was convenient and easy, so ready to give you the love you craved. In the end though you can't force love and so we were doomed from the beginning. I don't blame you. You could have handled things differently but I could have as well. I guess I'm writing this to let you know that I think of you still from time to time. And when I do, despite everything that was said and done, I smile. I hope it's the same for you.

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Tender, meditative domination Heres a sample of my writing to establish a sense of what Im into:
She was naked, except for cuffs around her wrists and ankles, and a collar around her neck. Sometimes I didnt even bind her, but I loved the way she looked with them on, and wearing them helped her find the right headspacebut it was more elusive tonight. She had been under a lot of work stress lately and I could tell she struggled to push it out of her mind.
I stroked her head, "I can tell you are not completely presentyou still have thoughts from your silly adult life creeping into your mind, dont you?"
"Im sorry Daddy."
"I know.But you know, when you belong to me, I dont just own your body, I own your mind as well."
"Yes Daddy."
"The separation of body and mind is a silly illusion weve createdit keeps us from being present and aware. It separates us from ourselves and each other. I want to show you how to bring them together. Im going to teach you how to completely submit to mewith a spanking. Ill show you how to receiveeven welcomeeach spank with totality; not just in your body but in your mind."
"Im nervous. Will it hurt?"
I tenderly kissed her forehead, "Yes sweetheart, I certainly hope so."
"But Daddy ."
"I know. But Im here. Daddys right here with you. You still have a lot to learn, and Im gonna show you how to be a perfect little Princess."
"I led her by her leash over to the couch. I unbuttoned my suit jacket and sat down. "Lay down across my lap."
And she did so, with her beautiful ass perfectly centered in my lap, arched up for me.
"I want you to close your eyes and become aware of your breath. Let your mind focus on each inhale, and each exhale. Find a focal point in your belly, and just watch each breath. The breath comes in, the breath goes out."
I sat for a couple of minutes in silence and synchronized my breathing with hers. If I wanted her to be completely present, it was critical that I also be present. I wanted to be as attentive as possible to her needs. For me, being a dom is more about giving than taking; I want to give her everything.
"As you continue to stay connected to your breath, start to expand your awareness to your bodyfrom the top of your head, to the very tips of your toes."
I paused for a few breaths.
"Now, bring your awareness to just the top of your head. As you take a couple of breaths, focus on relaxing the top of your head."
Pause.
"Good girl. Now, focus on your forehead, and relax it."
"Now the muscles around your eyes .now your cheeks .your tongue the back of your neck and head ," and I continued, taking my time with each part of her body, letting her breathe a couple of times to relax each individual part, until we made our way to her toes. I took my time, and a part of the enjoyment was getting to gaze upon her beautiful ass the whole time. As we did this I could feel her melt into me and melt into the couch. All the tension from her stressful job, from having to be "on" and in control all the time was being lifted.
But her training wasnt done yet. It had barely even begun.
"You are being such a good girl. Now I want you to expand your awareness back to your entire body. And relax it. Fully relax your entire body for me," I felt her melt even more, "Very good. Youre such a good girl."
"Its fun to physiy bind you, but true bondage goes beyond the physical realm. If you truly belong to me, I can do whatever I want and youll hold still and fully receive it with no resistance. There should be no need for physical bondage; as my slave you will willingly submit this beautiful body to me."
"Thus, as I spank your little ass, you are going to hold still, but moreover, you are going to stay relaxed. Tensing up is resistance and fearit reflects a lack of submission. It means you are still holding on to your silly ego, your absurd notion of self. This will not do. It means I do not totally own your mind. I am not spanking you to punish youthis is to teach you how to completely let go."
"Also, I love spanking an ass that is totally relaxed because I enjoy the bounce and undulation of flesh. I get less of that with tense muscles. Thus it is an aesthetic concern as well."
"So, you will continue to use the breathing and relaxation techniques I taught you. As the pain intensifies, it will necessitate even more focus on the breath to stay relaxed. Just know that if you tense up Im going to spank you more and harderthen I will be spanking to punish."
"I believe in youyou are strong and courageousand I love you very, very much. I know you will be a big girl for Daddy."
"And now big inhale, one big, loooong exhale." Her abdomen rose and fell with the deep breaths.
I took a big breath myself, and raised my hand in the air to begin.
This post is in the opposite direction of most online dating strategies. Typiy we look for connections like surface-level attraction, tastes, personal goals, etc. and find out later if there is an erotic connection. But maybeespecially for those who are kinkyit makes more sense for erotic connection to be the starting point.
Im not necessarily looking for a one-time hook up. I wont rule anything out, but I would ultimately like to meet someone with whom I can have a deep and lasting relationship. Im patient and willing to take my time, but at the very least I would like to meet people who share these fantasies and would like to play and explore with me.
Check out my tumblr: tobeadaddydom.tumblr It includes some orignial erotica I write, along with a few photos of me and reblogged curated content that gives a sense of what turns me on.
My kik username is in my tumblr bio. If, after perusing my content, you like what you seefeel free to say hi. Let me know you found me on CL.